So I confuse myself a lot. I think about thinking and I'll have thoughts about how it is that I'm having that thought about thinking... confusing stuff. I lose track.
So I'm just another guy sitting in a bathtub. Except I'm sciencey. When I see water going down the drain, I think of hydrogen bonding, suspension. I think of dissolved particles of soap surrounding dirt and salt with hydrophobic interactions. I think of skin cells. Dead ones falling off. New ones growing. The ciculatory system is bringing oxygen and ATP to my cells. ATP formed from the proton gradient made by the breakdown of that BLT I had for lunch. NADH. Biol 201. I even picture the THC in my blood, making its way to my brain, slowing and changing the chemicals that alter my mind. I think about how that affects how I think. I think about thinking a lot. I ask if mind is an inherent property of the brain, or if they're two separate entities. At what point does a "brain"-like thing get a mind? What does it mean to be conscious? How can I tell if others are conscious?
I notice that when I pull a leg out of water, I can feel the pressure differences--- different rates of molecules bumping into my leg with different speeds. I can even feel gravity "pooling" the blood in my veins closest to the ground. Stress on my veins-- unidirectional blood flow. Hemalymph. I remark on how water pouring down upon me is tranfering the kinetic energy of its molecules into the molecules of my body. I think about the molecules of my body. The molecules of your body. I think of your body.
I break the world down, as small as I can. I take it step by step. Everything that I am. EMERGENT from my constituents. Zac, Organs systems, organs, tissues, cells, organelles, proteins, RNA, DNA, molecules, atoms, protons and electrons, quarks... waves... energy. I go in the other direction. Zac, Humans, Mammals, Animals, Eukaryotes, LIFE... Planet Earth, our solar system, our galaxy, our universe... the big bang... proto-matter.
I realize that I love science. I realize that I love thinking. I realize that I live to answer the questions HOW and WHY. How do things work? Why do things work? I ponder every mystery that I can come up with... I even ponder how my mind/brain complex can't think of any more mysteries, like I was programmed to not think of more. Each thought just a bunch of firing neurons? Why does it feel so... CONCRETE? Who am I, really?
I'm just another man in a tub.
But that's just my opinion. (or rather, just my confusion.)
Zac.
PS. I promise you'll be the first to know if I ever solve one of these major mysteries...
