For my whole life (and I think we all do this), I've surrounded myself with friends who complement me in one of two ways. They have traits that are similar to mine, and we therefore get along, or they have traits that are different from mine, which I like in them better. Does that make sense? For example, Alison was always a pretty close friend of mine because she was down-to-earth, and I wished that I could be more like that. Yeah, and Max was always my friend because we had similar distaste for society and similar pessimism (plus... You know... CS).
This brings me to me point, in these friendship stressing and wrecking times of University (not unlike the pumice rocks that break the waves in Horace 1.11 (eh, Sam?? Eh?)), in which we lose and gain new friends all of a sudden, I think that it is reasonable that we surround ourselves with similar people as before. [Here comes the Abby = Alix Theorem.]
I always find that my "NEW" friends are similar to the ones I've always had. Alix and Abby are a good example. Despite the obvious 4-letter names that start with A's and end with letters at the end of the alphabet, their personalities are quite similar.
It's a for-sure that both have the down-to-earth, pot-smoking, I-love-life, don't put up with shit attitudes that I could always use more of... These, of course, lead to them having similar ideas on things as varied from, say, feminism to music taste.
Immediately after talking to Alix for the first time, I made the connection. Here's why:
When we had our first 3rd floor meeting here, Conley led us all in taking off our shoes and swapping with random people. On my... left foot, I think, I ended up with a skanky-ass pinkish-red flip-flop (remind you of anyone, guys? Say: Abby! Abby!) Then I had to give it back to her and talk and such... She very well could have been Abby's twin-sister, abducted at birth and whisked away to PEI. (poor girl)(and I picture Connor smiling at the PEI slam)
So, without further delay I bring to you the introduction to the artist formerly known as "Alix."
Musa, mihi causas memora...
Alix is a tricky one. At birth she was blessed with the name, Alexandra, but given the nickname, Alix, over Alex, because its more feminine. (read: Because it's more feminine????? wtf?)
To those of you who have read such fountain of youth stories as "Tuck Everlasting" this part is going to make sense...
See, Alix was born wherever and lived wherever until the 80's hit in their full swing. Then, somehow (perchance through her dad's ties to the Mafia) she was able to procure an immortality potion. Now, anyone else in the world would have waited until the wretched 80's ended their reign of terror and let loose their grip on the asses of everyone (in the form of tight pants, etc.) but nevertheless, Alix drank the potion and is now, forever, trapped in the 80's (and yes, I know Abby is well into the twenty-first century). My point stands. In some instances, her complete dress and vocabulary retrogress into the 80's and she wears GNR t-shirts with the collars torn out, pulled down over one shoulder, and uses words like "butt-face" that the rest of us grew out of when we were 6.
This is not to say that Alix is an immature girl. Nay. She certainly acts her age, or at least, her sex drive does. I think what happened was that the old Chinese man who gave her the freaky potion in the little shop (get the reference, so i can stop?) mixed some Love Potion into her Immortality Potion. So she's ever willing to get "freaky-deaky" with some guy, preferably from Molson or McConnell 6th.
Where as Connor is the floor mascot, Alix is fast becoming the floor whore. Oh, sorry, just kidding, she's the "Whore of Molson"... anyways. I'm not saying her being a whore has any downsides. In fact, on more than one occasion (remember, we've been here 2 months) she's whored herself out to get me some Greek Myth notes or, you know, like... some extra pasta at dinner. Even though I don't ask........
Now the fun(er) stuff:
Alix is from PEI... so like... thats the joke right there. Her family is fairly well off, which, in PEI, means more than 150 head of cattle or more than 8 acres of potato farms.
Alix likes to drink and smoke pot... a lot. I once saw her chug 14 liters of straight vodka in one night. On the other hand, that's not hard because all that there's is to do in PEI is drink... its like in Kenya, where all they can do is run, they get good at it. (no offense Kenyans)
Alix carries her soul in a book.
Alix likes trains at night.
Alix likes cameras and photo-mijiggers.
Alix clearly reminds me (as a scholar of mythology and the classics) of the lesser known Roman house god, AniDissuchabitcha. The Goddess of all things womanly, (including bitching and nagging) she herself is sometimes the personified representation of bitching.
Her answer to all conflicts with men results with a resounding "Cut their penis off!" Perchance her battle-cry in a past life where she was Joan D'ark's follower or some shit. For fun she drags unknowing victims to feminist "folk" rallies. FOLK, obviously standing for "Fucking Outraged Lesbians Kill!" where women (Elysse for example) are converted and men, castrated. I narrowly escaped with my johnson, ladies and gentlemen, and let me tell you, I've never been more scared of anything in my life. I mean, christ, what could be more frightening than 50 outraged lesbians brandishing knives and staring at my crotch. Ok ok, it was a kind of turn-on, but still...
Alix was promptly voted the feminist leader of the floor here, and is already building her forces on that side of the hall. (Mike, lock your door at night, man)
Alix lives in a different world than the rest of us too. She lives in a world where New Zealand IS Middle Earth, and this IS the matrix. She's already bought out all of the tickets to the first, second, and third showing of Matrix Revolutions (possibly with help from Mafia-dad) just so that she could see the movie and see what the REAL truth is... Because, lets face it, if Neo really did have to take all of us out of the matrix, he couldn't just do it, we'd die after being so institutionalized. So he'd have slowly pull us out by teaching us the truth a little at a time (say, in a three part movie series). This is Alix's world.
Her "Free Tibet" sticker on her guitar always prompts someone to say, "I'll take it! Hello, China, I've got something you might be interested in...." It's always funny.
Alix is a corrupting mind control plague that sweeps across the floors every so often. She has the uncanny ability to convince others NOT to go to class and to "fight the man," which she means literally.
Anyways, she's a very fun person that I'm glad to know and glad to have here--Not a replacement for Abby, as none could hold a candle, she's just different.
It's going to be a better year here for me because she's around, that's a for-sure.
Signed, your brother on G3,
Zac. (aka MAINE!, aka Hot Maine Shit.)
