ok well i've been a little leary of writing but i got over it. i don't profess myself as good at love. or bad, for that matter. i don't think i've had enough experience to chose a side. i would, however, say that i'm getting better all the time. its the little things... like when i was younger when people liked me--if i didn't like them-- i would be all retarded and avoid them and want to die and hide and run away. at least i've grown up a little. chalk it up to naivete...or lameness. anyway, a venue this open to the public seems kind of an odd place to post your innermost feelings, but i guess that is the point of a blog, and i've been told that "wounds need air". zac knows how i feel about him, we've talked about it, many times, but since he was so honest in presenting his feelings for all the world to see, i guess i will follow suit. i can't help but feel sort of guilty about not liking zac as more than a friend. that i'm causing him pain or something...at least contemplation (if you can cause someone contemplation). that's one of the things i hate most: causing someone pain. i'm all about aleviating pain. but although i might feel a little guilty,my feelings arn't going to change. i would hate myself more if i lied and pretended to feel something i don't. it's a hard line to walk, between keeping yourself happy and being honest to your feelings, and trying to keep the people you care about happy as well. i guess i take care of myself first. maybe that's selfish, but i don't know. as for awkward... as far as i'm concerned, it isn't. since i've long since gotten over my fear of people liking me (ok not long since but w/e), there is no issue, really, that isn't solveable with time. i'm too honest for my own good sometimes...
