zdurisko: you're my closest outside source
zdurisko: and i want to hear that what i did was right for me
estralitaria: i think it was, but i don't think that you can expect her to go back
zdurisko: of course i dont
zdurisko: but i have to do this
estralitaria: yea yea you def do
zdurisko: i cant go farther with her without having doubts until i do
estralitaria: exactly
zdurisko: so its like, 50-50 or nothing
estralitaria: but you don't like anyone?
zdurisko: well
zdurisko: i dunno
zdurisko: thats not important
estralitaria: and you know, it's not like some dream girl will fall out of the sky
So... Natalie and I are on a break. I guess broken up, but that seems too harsh. I love her and miss her already, but I just had to see if we're THAT perfect for each other.
zdurisko: i want to know if that can happen
zdurisko: im not putting pressure on finding the right girl
zdurisko: if i go out with a girl
zdurisko: and im thinking about Natalie the whole time
zdurisko: ill know that I love her THAT much
If we're apart and I can't stand it, then I'll know that I can committ to her, because I'm a mess without her. It seems weird thinking that she'll read this, but she knows this stuff anyway.
Hi.
She seemed to understand really well, I was very impressed. But I think maybe she did it for my sake. Like, she knew that I had to do this, so she was stronger so that I COULD leave. That makes sense to me. Had she been really sad I would have said "I'm so sorry, nevermind!" But since she wasn't.... not like hysterically, I could leave thinking that she was alright with it. OR... maybe she is OK with it. If we're meant to be, we're meant to be, and I'll come back, this time knowing that we're made for one another.
Oh well... I need to listen to some Cake, now, hang on a sec.
